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Showing posts from 2018

Christmas Time Blues

Sitting on the floor, looking up at the big green tree I felt so happy, such joy. I looked up the gorgeous stairs and to the high ceilings in a home that wasn't mine. It wasn't anyone's home. It was a model home and it was where we celebrated our Christmas that year. When I was a kid I loved Christmas! What kid doesn't?! I loved the cookies, the food, the gifts, but most of all I LOVED having so many people around. Family was the absolute best part of Christmas for me. I grew up with 2 sets of grandparents plus a step-grandma, each one of them spoiled me like crazy. I didn't have a ton of cousins but it always felt so full, packed in tiny houses, it was so comfy. As I grew older Christmas changed a little, but not too much. It wasn't until my mom and step dad got a divorce that things changed. Suddenly Christmas' felt smaller, it was not as big and grand as it had been. My stepdad would give us amazing gifts for Christmas and his family was a big part

True Love Story

Two years ago I lost my grandparents 3 days apart.  I grew up spending every summer at my grandparent's house. Every summer I spent the full eight weeks there with my dad, grandma, and grandpa. I suppose it is probably the reason why I have always loved summer so much. I grew up very close with my grandma, everywhere she went I was sure to follow. Summers were all about baking cookies, going to concerts outdoors, lunch on Tuesday mornings with the old gals, sports, swimming, lots of cousin time and all things fun!  Me and Grandma When my grandma began to get dementia I didn't realize how bad it was until we were at my cousins baby shower and my grandma was asking me where Tessa was. At first, I thought she was joking so I played along, "I think she will be here, she sure is pretty isn't she?" My grandma answered, "yes she is... but I really thought she was going to be here", there was a sadness in her eyes that made me realize she

Thanksgiving

When you think about Thanksgiving what is the first thing that comes to mind? I think most people probably think food but likely say, family. There is nothing wrong with either answer or the reality that Thanksgiving is about food.  This year Thanksgiving is a little different for our family.  Six weeks ago I was put on 2 majorly difficult diets for health reasons. One of the diets cut out sugar, fruits, yeast, high carb foods and the second cut out... basically everything else, garlic, onion, AVOCADO (is there even life without avocado? I am here to tell you there is NOT!) a lot of veggies, etc. The first 3 weeks were so hard. I spent my days angry, frustrated, sad. I would buy things I thought I was allowed to have only to get home and find out I couldn't. I knew that cutting out foods, especially sugar would be hard physically and emotionally.  I LOVE SUGAR!   I went into it expecting it to be hard but hoping to break some bad habits in the end. One night,

Will I Ever Change?

I have had these thoughts that have overwhelmed me so much that I have wanted to write them down but when I think about writing it down I get overwhelmed! There are so many things that I don't DO because the "doing" them overwhelms me. The thought of doing it wrong, or bad or not being able to do it fully, gets me every time. So instead... I do nothing.  Genius, right?!  I used to at least start... start a project or start writing (i.e. I started this blog 9 years ago) but I found out I was really bad at completing the projects. Honestly, I can't even paint my nails without getting bored or frustrated so I just stopped doing it. What is the point of starting projects you won't finish? That you will only be disappointed in yourself in the end?  When I have thought about this blog I have thought about how inconsistent I have been and how I don't have 1 subject that I focus in on and so when I think of writing on here... I decide it's prob