Tuesday, April 28, 2015

A New Season

For the last week or 2 I have been feeling a little out of place.. A little lost... If that makes sense? For the first time in probably ever, I finally am feeling very balanced. Everything in my life seems to be very evened out right now. 
I have a good routine going and the places where I was feeling like I needed to have better habits I have been working on. 
Yet something has still been off. This morning a friend helped me realize what it is. 
Six years ago after I had Gabe I had started to get a little depressed, I was living in Tucson, just quit my job and was very lonely. Thankfully we moved to Sierra vista when Gabe was 6 months old so I had friends and family to help me cope. My mom told me about a great bible study teacher that I just had to go do a bible study with. I was so ready to get back in church so I jumped at the opportunity. Little did I know that a bible study meant actually studying the bible and doing homework! What?! It was great though, I got pulled into it and I have loved it for the last 6 years. I have grown so much, met amazing women, and grown close with that amazing bible teacher who has been there for me every step of the way {even when I would text her telling her how crazy I was feeling because of Juliana, she was loving and reassuring every time}. 
This church where I do the bible study is also where I do my women's events, and my mops. Not to mention it's the church I grew up in and went to school. 
Through women's ministry and mops I have learned what skills I have, what skills I could work on, that I can be an affective leader, that I can speak in front of crowds {ekkk}, that I can love women even if they are only here for 6 months {that's the military for you}, that people will let you down but oh boy people sure can lift you up! That to be a good leader it all comes down to your heart, and giving A LOT of grace. I learned to pray for wisdom and discernment and for confidence but also for a humble heart. 
I LOVE women's ministry, I love bible study, I love mops, I love women! However, I have decided that it is time to move on. To jump feet first into my own church with whom I have committed to. That my season of mops and bible study is done {bible study for now}. Unfortunately my church does not have a women's ministry and I think that is one thing that is causing me to feel so lost these last few weeks. I am leaving everything that I have known for the last 6 years, it is truely bittersweet. I just don't know where I fit in at my church yet, it's scary and it's exciting all at once. 
I know that God has a place for me there, I just need to be still. 
Change can be so hard, so sad, so happy, so bittersweet. 
I am so thankful for every single thing that I learned from the church, mops, leaders, and women these past 6 years. The friendships and bonds that have been made will forever be with me. I'm a better person because of those ministries and those people. 
I don't know what my next season will be, I don't know what my future holds or where I will end up, in terms of ministry, but I do know that Gods got it covered. I will just be spending the summer listening for His direction.