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Christmas Time Blues

Sitting on the floor, looking up at the big green tree I felt so happy, such joy. I looked up the gorgeous stairs and to the high ceilings in a home that wasn't mine. It wasn't anyone's home. It was a model home and it was where we celebrated our Christmas that year.
When I was a kid I loved Christmas! What kid doesn't?! I loved the cookies, the food, the gifts, but most of all I LOVED having so many people around. Family was the absolute best part of Christmas for me. I grew up with 2 sets of grandparents plus a step-grandma, each one of them spoiled me like crazy. I didn't have a ton of cousins but it always felt so full, packed in tiny houses, it was so comfy.
As I grew older Christmas changed a little, but not too much. It wasn't until my mom and step dad got a divorce that things changed. Suddenly Christmas' felt smaller, it was not as big and grand as it had been. My stepdad would give us amazing gifts for Christmas and his family was a big part of o…
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True Love Story

Two years ago I lost my grandparents 3 days apart. 

I grew up spending every summer at my grandparent's house. Every summer I spent the full eight weeks there with my dad, grandma, and grandpa. I suppose it is probably the reason why I have always loved summer so much. I grew up very close with my grandma, everywhere she went I was sure to follow. Summers were all about baking cookies, going to concerts outdoors, lunch on Tuesday mornings with the old gals, sports, swimming, lots of cousin time and all things fun! 

When my grandma began to get dementia I didn't realize how bad it was until we were at my cousins baby shower and my grandma was asking me where Tessa was. At first, I thought she was joking so I played along, "I think she will be here, she sure is pretty isn't she?" My grandma answered, "yes she is... but I really thought she was going to be here", there was a sadness in her eyes that made me realize she was very serious. I left the room an…


When you think about Thanksgiving what is the first thing that comes to mind? I think most people probably think food but likely say, family. There is nothing wrong with either answer or the reality that Thanksgiving is about food. 
This year Thanksgiving is a little different for our family. 
Six weeks ago I was put on 2 majorly difficult diets for health reasons. One of the diets cut out sugar, fruits, yeast, high carb foods and the second cut out... basically everything else, garlic, onion, AVOCADO (is there even life without avocado? I am here to tell you there is NOT!) a lot of veggies, etc. The first 3 weeks were so hard. I spent my days angry, frustrated, sad. I would buy things I thought I was allowed to have only to get home and find out I couldn't. I knew that cutting out foods, especially sugar would be hard physically and emotionally. 
I went into it expecting it to be hard but hoping to break some bad habits in the end. One night, on week 3 I was forced t…

Will I Ever Change?

I have had these thoughts that have overwhelmed me so much that I have wanted to write them down but when I think about writing it down I get overwhelmed! There are so many things that I don't DO because the "doing" them overwhelms me. The thought of doing it wrong, or bad or not being able to do it fully, gets me every time. So instead... I do nothing. 
Genius, right?! 
I used to at least start... start a project or start writing (i.e. I started this blog 9 years ago) but I found out I was really bad at completing the projects. Honestly, I can't even paint my nails without getting bored or frustrated so I just stopped doing it. What is the point of starting projects you won't finish? That you will only be disappointed in yourself in the end? 
When I have thought about this blog I have thought about how inconsistent I have been and how I don't have 1 subject that I focus in on and so when I think of writing on here... I decide it's probably not worth it. 

So it Begins

This week has been a big week for our family! I officially started working on Monday {very part time} at my church, from home! It is something that has been in works since last fall so it's a huge blessing to be where I am at now!
Jocelyn started pre-school on Tuesday 
She has Ms. Claudia who I can tell I'm going to adore! Joc didn't even care about me leaving as I dropped her off. I asked if she made any friends and she said "yes, girls and boys". Then she told me about her whole day of coloring, playing, singing. 
Juliana started kindergarten!  She was so excited! The night we met her teacher she just wanted to hang out in the room the whole time. We are so blessed that she got mrs. Falcon!  The first time I ever met mrs. Falcon was when she was the aide for gabes kinder teacher. She came up to me and told me how sweet Gabe was, that she loved that I knew his love language and that it was obvious that he came from a God loving home. That melted my heart and I was ho…

Trust In His Timing

One of my favorite things to do is to read the kids Bible books with them at night. I know that might sound cheesy but I have learned more from those little books then I ever knew possible! The one we are loving right now is The Jesus Storybook Bible. It speaks on every level and explains it in a way that anyone can understand. I also love that at the end of every chapter it points to Jesus, which in turn teaches the kids that since the very beginning the answer has always been Jesus.

Recently we were reading the story from Luke 8 about a man who asks God to heal his little girl.

The story goes like this (These are all my own words and I am paraphrasing):

A man, Jairus fell at Jesus feet in desperation for his one and only 12 year old daughter was dying.

Lets stop here... imagine being a parent of a child who was not just sick, but DYING. I know how I have felt just when my children have been sick or hurt, that desperation to help them feel better or questioning whether they needed m…

My anything

I know we say this every year but SERIOUSLY what happen to 2015? The years go by faster and faster somehow and yet it is so bittersweet. I can look back on the last year and see what a gift, what an amazing blessing it was for me. I can see ahead also and see that this year has so much more potential and it makes me so excited! 
Last year I decided to change my thinking, my habits, deepen my faith, serve more and work on my marriage more. 
Last year was a year of big prayers for me. My prayers became bigger and deeper and, I think, for the first time I actually believed what I was praying for. In May I started to read Anything by Jennie Allen She challenges you to fully commit and tell God that you will do ANYTHING for Him. It's pretty scary when you think about it, because if there truly is a God then He really is going to listen and take you up on that offer. The bible tells us several time to "test" God.
"Do not be conformed to this world,
but be transformed by …